What I know? What the hell do I know? I understand people are thinking, why is Jennie talking like this? But in actuality, in reality, I think like this. I just serve you my censored thoughts. Shocked? Get over it.
Anyways, things are frustrating me. Like why the hell am I lazy? Why the hell am I complaining about being lazy and not being productive? Things like that. And lately, when I talk on the phone with my mom, it takes a lot for me to hold back my tears. Don’t call me emo. I’m not. I think I’m appreciating them a lot more lately.
You know what I realized. If I were to say to anyone (even my friends and family) that I’m so thankful and sorry to God and I start crying uncontrollably… half of them would think I’m crazy/depressed/strange. But if you think about it… people in the bible used to rip their clothes off and rub themselves with ashes and we read that and think “there’s a man experiencing God”.
Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about this and that. And I had a lot to write, but somewhere between thinking and getting to write here… I lost it. Someone once told me that I would get somewhere, because I was lucky enough to have a chance. And when you hear that coming from the mouth of someone who’s the same age as you, who went to high school with you, who you sat next to in some classes and were well-acquainted with, you begin to feel that it’d be a damn shame if you failed. Cuz at some point you realize, yeah you owe it to God and to your parents who sacrificed all they had to maybe get you a chance at something better, but you owe it to some people who never got a chance. And sometimes it’s because chances were passed up or thrown away, but sometimes people really aren’t given a chance. Cuz who can blame a kid for quitting high school after her dad was hospitalized and her step-mom ran off with all their money, leaving her with hospital bills and a little brother to take care of?
And here I am, fiddling my minutes and my chances by writing on this blog with bad writing. Bad timing, for real.
Delirious. It’s 5:37AM.
March 2, 2009 at 7:06 pm |
that really adds so much to everything that we do… i feel like we complain about the blessings we’ve been given way too often, it’s kind of funny how humans are. you’re right, what a shame. but i also think recognizing those blessings is a first step that many people fail to take. i’m so glad that you realize it and care enough to share it with us. hope you’re taking care jennie!!